The Miller Memoirs

FIRST DAY of SCHOOL
I cried this year. I cried a lot. This year marks the year when all of my children are in school for the entire day, and when Hailey is now in Middle School (at a new school with people she doesn't know--Middle School is bad enough without those parameters). After kissing and hugging my kiddos good-bye, I finally released my grief, and I wept. I am a mom. That is my job. I love my job. What do I do now that they are all gone? Now that they are all growing up? I don't doubt that I will be plenty busy--being a mom is more than time spent in my kid's company, but more specifically what will I do with my heart?  I miss my kids. I love them home. I love being the one who teaches them, who cares for them. Sometimes I wish I felt that home school was the answer, but I don't, and so I cry.
After crying my eyelids dry, I called my dear husband for his calming reassurance. As soon as he answered, a fresh new batch of tears emerged without warning. "I wish Jacob wasn't our last," I told him. I do not doubt the inspiration received determining that he would be last. I just sometimes wish the inspiration was different.
My heart aches. I really don't like the first day of school, but I am ready to smile, because I know that this is for our good. Doctrine Covenants 90:24 states, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing and all things shall work together for your good." I will study. I will pray. And I will believe in happy endings.