The Miller Memoirs

ONE-on-ONE TIME

A few months ago, I was inspired by a dear friend to have more one-on-one time with my children. My friend had seven children (she just had her eighth), and somehow she and her husband had one-on-one time with their children every single month. They set up a rotation where one month she would share time with three of the children, and the next month she got the four her husband had taken out the previous month.

For several months, I have been feeling a prompting to take more action in my "mothering". Just exactly what "action" I needed to take--I was unsure. I knew the Lord was prompting me; however, I couldn't quite piece everything together. After talking to my friend, I knew a piece had fallen into place--one more piece to the puzzle of my mothering... I am still working on my puzzle. I know the Lord has more for me to understand and to do, but I am definitely taking "action".

On Thursday, Amber and I enjoyed time rollerblading around the greenbelt. We held hands, laughed, and shared intimate thoughts. I so enjoyed my time with my sweet daughter. I can't wait to experience more time together in the near future!

In the process of piecing together my mothering puzzle, I was asked to give a talk on mothering. Here are my thoughts...it is only the beginning...there is still so much more for me to learn:

 PREPARE EVERY NEEDFUL THING

In August I was released as the YW’s president in my ward. When my Bishop first called me as YW’s president, he informed me that I would be busier than I had ever been before. I already had a time intensive calling, and felt that there was no way I could be any busier. I soon found out the folly of my thoughts. I was busier. However, through prayer—I felt the Lord’s hand magnify me not only in my calling at church, but also in my calling at home. When I was released my mind focused on spending more time with my children. More time that I thought would come easily. However, I soon found that I was just as busy as I had been previously, and my aspirations of “more time” were not happening. My mind was troubled by this realization, and I prayed for guidance. I received an impression while visiting teaching. As I was about to knock on a sister’s door, a scripture came into my mind, which reads, “Organize yourself, prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;…”(D &C 88:119).  I felt that the Lord was answering my prayer. He was helping me magnify my call as a MOTHER. As I have studied the scripture, my mind has focused on the word, “Organize”, and the phrase “Prepare Every Needful Thing…”  Questions have been my constant companion as I have pondered these words.  Questions like: What should I prepare?  What is every needful thing? And, how should I fulfill this instruction?

Elder Dallin H. Oakes, in a recent general conference taught ways in which we can PREPARE EVERY NEEDFUL THING. He said, “In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best….Parents should act to preserve time for family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children.” (Dallin H. Oakes, Ensign, 2007) Elder Oakes points out that parents’ must “ACT”. If we are to follow the counsel of our leaders, we must make a plan to follow through with the “NEEDFUL THINGS”. In focusing on Every Needful thing, I would like to focus on the three areas Elder Oakes mentioned.

First, Daily Family Scripture Study is Preparing Every Needful Thing:

I have found that as I study the scriptures, I am instructed more fully of the trials that beset me and my children, and I have stronger foundation to withstand the adversary. In the Book of Mormon we learn of Lehi’s vision of the tree of life. From that vision we learn that by holding to the rod, which is the word of God, we can traverse through Satan’s temptations, and partake of God’s love or in other words—eternal life. Through this vision, we have been given a formula/a handbook for true happiness. Sister Cooke, in a recent general conference, spoke to parents’ in their role of holding to the rod. She said, “In today’s world, complete with temptations, holding fast can be challenging. As Satan, in his conniving ways, tries to pull us away from God’s ways—if we have one hand on the rod, and one hand in the world we put our children and youth in danger of losing their way on the path. If our example is confusing than in Jacob’s words—we lose the confidence of our children because of our bad examples. Our message must be clear; clarity can only result from having both hands on the rod, and from living by the truths found in the scriptures and taught by latter-day prophets.” (Cook, Be an Example of the Believers, 2010) By studying the scriptures every day, we are keeping both of our hands on the iron rod.

Sometimes as a mother, I question whether or not our family scripture study is effective.  There have been times I do not feel that my influence is making the difference.  After we study the scriptures we take a few minutes to work on memorizing scriptures. This past year, we memorized Helaman 5: 12. During the process of memorizing this scripture, my five-year old son seemed to not be listening. He never would recite with us; in fact, he spent most of his time seemingly absorbed in other things. I felt that he was present in body, but not in spirit. One day, my son surprised me by reciting to me the entirety of Helaman 5:12. I was shocked that my son had heard. Our everyday teaching moments were making a difference.

When my oldest daughter started school, I felt impressed to have early morning scriptures study prior to her leaving to school. Because my husband left for work earlier than the children arose from their beds, we also had scripture study in the evening so as to include him in FAMILY SCRIPTURE STUDY. Just recently, my husband felt impressed that he too should be a part of early morning scriptures study, which meant that the children needed to arise earlier from their beds. Through this simple sacrifice, I have felt the Lord’s hand directing our family, and protecting our children from the temptations that surround them every day.

Nephi taught that “whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.” (1 Ne. 15:24) For our instruction in these latter-days, we cannot afford to be casual in our scripture study. By choosing to spend time in daily family scripture study, we encircle ourselves and our families with safety from the adversary, and we are preparing every needful thing.

Second, Family Home Evening is Preparing Every Needful Thing.

Family Home Evening blesses our lives. It provides an opportunity for us to bear testimony, and to lift one another in our understanding of Christ. We laugh together, we cry together, and we build lasting family relationships. When speaking about family home evening, President Joseph F. Smith said, “If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed…and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them” (James R Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ, 6 vol.).  One particular family home evening stands out in mind, which I will be forever grateful. For Christmas, my family has a series of Family Home Evenings that center on Christ. One of those traditions includes giving a Christmas Jar to a family in need. We work all year to fill a jar with change, and then during the Christmas season we deliver it to someone. Last year my children were disappointed when it came time to deliver our Christmas Jar, because it only held $40. To them—it just wasn’t enough. My husband and I reassured them that the person receiving the jar would be grateful, but they were still disappointed.  After Christmas, my children were inspired by an article in the FRIEND, and they approached me with a plan. To understand their plan, I must explain another tradition in our home. In our home, we also have a rock jar, and every time I catch them doing something good, I place a rock in the jar. Once the jar is filled, we go on a family activity of their choice. The budget per jar is $20. Because of their disappointment at the lack of funds in our Christmas Jar, my children decided to give the amount of what we would have spent on an activity for the rock jar to the Christmas Jar every other time. Throughout the year, our children worked at filling our Christmas Jar.  In August, we felt that there was someone in need of our Christmas Jar. We met as a family and discussed the need, and decided that it was okay to give our Christmas Jar early. We carefully counted the jar’s contents, and to their joy, we had nearly doubled the amount of money from the previous year. Although we were excited that we were able to give the jar to someone in need, I had little hope of having a substantial amount for Christmas; however my kids were undeterred. They worked all the more at earning money for the new jar. By the time Christmas arrived, they had replenished the jar in just four months.  The anticipation was real as we delivered that jar that night. Our hearts beat in our chest, and we knew we had accomplished a great task. As we drove away; we felt the spirit bear testimony of the importance of giving. My oldest daughter asked if the spirit could feel excited and happy. We told her that it could. She said that her heart was happy for what they had done. I know that when we take time to plan and hold family home evening, we are preparing every needful thing. I know that these moments, will fortify our families as President Smith has said.

Third, One-on-One Time is Essential in Preparing Every Needful Thing.

I have a dear friend who has shown me an example of Elder Oakes’ counsel. She is one of those friends that we all need—the one that you look to for an example. In a recent conversation, she told me of how she “organizes” her life in such a way that she can find quality time with each of her seven children.  Every Sunday the Ulrich family holds “Family Council”. During these counsels they discuss the upcoming weeks’ activities, and they plan one-on-one time with each child. Their method for planning is inspiring. It takes forethought and preparation. As they discuss their weekly events, they include one-on-one time as part of the plan. Quite often one-on-one time with a younger child happens when the older children are being dropped off for mutual. Because they have seven children, three children get one-on-one time with Mom one month, and four children get one-on-one time with Dad. The next month the rotation switches, and Mom gets the four children she didn’t have the month prior, and Dad get the three. By so doing, every child spends time with both Mom and Dad on alternating months. I am humbled and grateful for the example of good friends. With only three children in my home, compared to my friends’ seven—I have no excuse for not planning and preparing valuable one-on-one time with my children.

Elder Ballard said, “One of the best tools we have as parents is the family council.” (The Sacred Responsibilities of Parenthood, Ensign, Mar. 2006) As an effort to follow Elder Ballard’s counsel, and to emulate the example of a friend, we have also started having family counsels. Already in just a short time, I feel the spirit guiding our family as we discuss each individual member of our family, as we plan our precious one-on-one time, and as we consider the needs of those around us. I am grateful for the time shared in Family Council and the opportunity it creates for planning every needful thing.

I have no doubt that as Mother’s it is essential for us to plan the “NEEDFUL TIME” with our children. President Ezra Taft Benson said, “Mother’s in Zion, your God-given roles are so vital to your own exaltation and to the salvation and exaltation of your family. A child needs a mother more than all the things money can buy. SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN is the GREATEST GIFT OF ALL.” (Benson, To the Mother’s in Zion, Feb. 1987)  President Benson then listed ten ways in which we can spend time with our children…some of which we have already mentioned. He said that we should be at the Crossroads, be a Real Friend by having unrushed one-on-one time with them, Read to Your Children, Pray with Your Children, Have weekly family home evenings, Be Together at Mealtimes, Read Scriptures Daily, Do things as a family, Teach Your Children, and Truly Love Your Children.

In closing I would like to share one final experience about planning that which is needful and making time for that which is most important: The other night I left after dinner to run a few errands. When I came home, my family was sitting on the floor playing a board game, and the kitchen table was left exactly how I had left it. The milk was still on the table…along with the ranch dressing, salad, and other refrigerator items. To be honest, I found myself frustrated at my sweet companion for not taking care of those items prior to playing the game; however, the following day my thoughts were turned to the situation from the previous evening, and the Lord taught me a lesson. The lesson: spoiled milk will not affect our lives in the whole scheme of things, but family time will! Bryan was choosing to spend time with our children, and at that moment—that was what was needful. In Luke 10:38-42 it reads, “Now it came to pass, as they went, that He entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Elder Uchtdorf said, since “‘no other success can compensate for failure in the home’ here, we must place high priority on our families. WE build deep and loving relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is spelled T-I-M-E, time.” (Uchtdorf, Of Things that Matter Most, Oct. 2010)

In my rush of fulfilling my daily tasks, am I forgetting to that which is needful? Am I preparing every needful thing? (Is the Lord saying Carrie, Carrie…thou are troubled about many things…?)

President Hinckley has pleaded that we “work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.” (Hinckley, Each a Better Person, October 2002) It is our responsibility to make a plan for the “NEEDFUL”. Elder Eyring has counseled against procrastinating our time when he said, “The God who gives us each day as a treasure will require an accounting. We will weep, and He will weep if we have intended to repent and to serve Him in tomorrows which never come or have dreamt of yesterday’s where the opportunity to act was passed. This day is a precious gift of God. The thought “Someday I will” can be a thief of the opportunities of time and the blessings of eternity.” (Eyring, This Day, April 2007)

Let us not procrastinate. Let us prepare every needful thing, I pray. In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.