FIRST DAY

New Beginnings

This time of year kills me every year. Seriously, I am an emotional wreck. All over Facebook mom's are shouting out exclamations of excitement that their kids are returning to school, and although I can see the reasoning behind their excitement--sometimes I need a break too--my sorry over my kids returning to school far outweighs any desires I have for a break. 

A new school year marks another year gone, and new year beginning. Time passes so slowly, yet so quickly. In the day to day moments, time can seem as if we aren't accomplishing anything; however, when a new school year begins, my eyes are opened to just how much time truly has passed, and I feel my children's childhoods slipping through my fingers. I bemoan the first day of school that happens at a college or a University, and as each year passes, time slowly pulls me to that inevitable solution. Of course, I want my kids to progress. Of course, I want them to go to college. Of course, I want them to make a mark on society, and become something great. However, as each year passes, I also want those pursuits to come in the far far distant future, because for now--I want them right here with me. I want one more year of laughing at home, one more year of soccer games, of gymnastic meets, of bike rides around the neighborhood, of family vacations, of memories under the umbrella of "home". As time marches on, the process of life marches forward as well. As my children grow one year older, they get one year closer to the inevitalbe day when they will leave home and become all that I have ever imagined. And although I will be so happy for them, and for all that they will surely accomplish, my mom heart will pull a bit, because I know that I will miss all of the moments I have cherished up to that point, and my heart will want to do it again. 

Thus, I do not celebrate in my own heart, the start of each new year. No--I (quietly) cry as I smile big smiles, as I hug and kiss my kids good-bye, and...as I hide my true feelings from my sweet little monkeys. And with each tear I shed, comes new resolutions to love them more and more with each passing day.