Perspective

ROARING SPRINGS
Two favorite quotes of the day:
Jacob said: "Mom, I am glad you are wearing a ponytail. You look beautifuller."
Amber said while cruising in the lazy river and playing with Jacob: "We are the best sisters ever, aren't we!"

I had a moment of panic today, while in the lazy river. The management at Roaring Springs chose Friday as a day to test their lifeguards. While we were in the Lazy River, one of those "testings" occurred. All of a sudden, a panicked lifeguard was pointing, running, and blowing on her whistle. As I turned to see what she was pointing at, I could see a lifeless toddler on the bottom of the pool. My brain went on autopilot, and I gripped tighter to Jacob as I began running towards the child's body. I'm not sure why I didn't let go of Jacob, so that I could better help the child. Jacob was on a tube, and completely fine, but my mind didn't register that I needed both of my hands to better assist the drowning child. Instead, I tried frantically to lift the body with my one remaining hand. I felt alone as onlookers watched my struggle. One man seemed to come somewhat to his senses, and began moving to help as I slowly worked to pull the lifeless body to the surface. When the lifeguard finally arrived, she quickly pulled the child the rest of the way out of the water. It was then that I realized the child was only a mannequin, a decoy in an effort to train the lifeguard. I walked away from the lifeguard and the limp mannequin, and I cried silently. I was grateful to have been wearing my sunglasses. I was hoping that they were shielding my children from my grief. I kept chiding myself for being upset--all the while, grateful that it WAS a mannequin and not a real child. I think this experience was simply too close to home for me. I have a fear of my own children drowning. I don't really believe that it will ever come to pass, and I don't live in fear of it happening; however, I do all that I can to prevent it from happening. Ever since my children were small, they have had countless hours of swim instruction. When my brother died eighteen years ago, my father told me that I couldn't stop living. He counseled me to love the water, and persevere through my uncertainties. (After Eric died, I had moments of not wanting to play in the water, or to even participate in activities where water was concerned.) Through my father's counsel, I found peace. It was then that I decided to make water a part of my life. I refused to allow fear to keep me from living my life to the fullest. This experience at Roaring Springs took me back eighteen years to the time when my brother was pulled out of a river, and all those fears came rushing back. We have been taught that fear is not from God. We have been commanded to "be strong and of good courage, be not afraid neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord thy God is with thee" (Joshua 1:9). To me, fear is faithless. I may not understand everything in my life, there may be uncertainties, and most definitely there will be bad things that happen--I cannot prevent that. Fearing the bad will not stop the bad from coming. My little guy has been faced with many fears in his life, and what it has taught me is that when we face our fears with faith, God is near. He promises us that he will be with us. We must be believing. In D&C it states, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing and all things will work together for your good." That is what faith is all about--it is believing that no matter what happens it is for our good. Alma further states that, "Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore, if ye have faith ye hope for things that are not seen which are true." I may not understand why bad things happen, and I may not be able to prevent all the bad that will come my way, but I can face life with faith, and believe that no matter what happens--God is with me.